AK: Seeing him at The festival, the misery all just came back in an instant, literally in less than a second. from seeing him, sumthing that wudnt happen if i was sumwhere better.What lies above is something I have observed in both myself and others in the past, it's a form of transaction that occurs between two people in a relationship. Relationship is always a negotiation between two or more objects and their existence in relation to each other. To truly cover yourself against all eventualities is to love without condition, because a condition broken is a direct attack on the negotiated conditions of your love, and it will hurt.
Me: your gonna see things that will remind you of him. Wherever you are, and it will pick at you, because the conflict is still not resolved within you.
AK: whats the conflict?
Me: the realisation that possession of him is irrelevant, if you love him, and truly, unconditionally love him, then you will allow him to go away, and it will cease hurting that he may not share the same thoughts, he will always be there, and the model of him in your mind will always be yours, it is something to live with, to absolve and forgive, and continue with.
His actions will never change how you feel about him.
AK: Literally, the light at the end of the tunnel for me in this situation is the distant hope that one day he'll get fcked over and be desperate or miserable enough to settle for the spaz thats been following him around for years.
Me: Let me put it this way, If at The festival, you saw him being beaten by 4 guys taking his stuff, would you defend him?
AK: Definately, I would end them.
Me: when you could do that, without feeling he owed you any debt, he had any reason to talk to you, and you had no reason to hope he would. When the act was based not on absolving yourself in his eyes, but simply physically defending something that meant something to you, no matter what it thought of you, you will be over him. You will be absolved, and he will have no effect on you, and you can continue loving him without needing him.
Everything else you feel involves a debt, or a return, or acknowledgement, or even accepting your existence as equal to his, but those are conditions he cannot fulfil, conditions you place on such an interaction. Because you currently see yourself/himself as emotionally in debt to the other in some way, a transaction unfulfilled, and that is why you feel you need him.
AK: He fucking chose me, he spoke to me on (website), if he didnt i wudnt be here, i wud have never seen or heard of him, and if i did it never wud have entered my head that id have a chance to begin with so i wudnt have ever bothered. He chose me, stole my heart, tore it up and threw it back at me.
He just came along and gave me all this pain, when all ive tried to do is be nice.
Me: In any other words AK you owe him an invoice, whereas he has seen his explanation to you as adequate payment for what he has stole from you you do not. The cd was to act as an invoice providing he listened to it, the music you've created was to act as an invoice...within the act of seeing what he stole from you he has seen it as not having the value you placed on it, this is the cause of your pain. But like a bank, like the council, like who ever else, only you have the power to balance the account, because he's making it quite clear he's not the type of human being who will. He has dishonoured you, is somebody who employs such mischief in their contracts worthy of contracting with you? worthy of such theft? worthy of having such an effect? that is for you to answer.
AK: Maybe thats exactly what i deserve.
Me: Bingo, and here we have why it hurts, because the real part of it all is because you believe you deserve it. Your self, believes you deserve it because the ego tells it to, the real nature of lack of attachment, being above the game, is to go in unconditionally, and you can do that at any time. Right now, you could choose to wipe all the conditions you'd previously placed on him, clear all debts, and just accept that you unconditionally love him no matter what he is doing, what he says about you and what he thinks, and with that, you will become immediately invincible regarding this whole matter.
And yes, that is alot easier said than done.
Forgiveness is what this is, For-Give, two words, meaning to give before anything else. Because giving requires nothing back, you feel he took your heart and he doesn't want to do anything to make amends....so release all the conditions you placed on what people had to do to receive such a privilege and just let him have it as a gift, give him your love, and expect nothing in return. That is what will cease the pain, any other condition, any other want or need will not.
AK: I took it in, i dont know what to do with that piece of information. Thats what im doing anyway, loving him and getting nothing in return
Me: Exactly, the trick is to require nothing, u will when you have suffered enough.
Where the conditions should always lie in is whether the conditions apply to the relationship or not, let's take AK's predicament as an example. Here he has placed conditions upon love in that he feels the need to have love returned, which is not only a set of transactions, but also a contractual condition he has placed on love.
However the trap he has fallen into is that he is in love with this person regardless. He loves them until the earth stops and the planets die his love for them will never stop, that is the plain truth, that is how love works. Now if you imagine that ak was instead contracting with a Bar and what he is giving is money instead.
What we don't do is walk into a bar and freely give them money without establishing what they give us first. In essence though with falling into romantic feelings with somebody we are like alcoholics. We can't help but walk into that bar and give them money. This is where the analogy ends because conditional love is rarely met, and so what we end up doing and what ak has been doing is leaving money on the bar and then feeling embittered when the bar doesn't give him anything in return.
The only thing we can do in this situation is to say, "Okay, I love this person, that isn't going to change, but we can't meet each others conditions for a relationship, and they are giving me nothing in return, so they can take it as a gift and I will continue with my life."
Because if your gonna keep leaving your money around everywhere feeling like crap about it wont change a damn thing.
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